Incomplete
- excerpted from Alanis Morisette’s new CD, Flavours of Entanglement
One day I’ll find relief
I’ll be arrived
And I’ll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day
My mind will retreat
And I’ll know God
And I’ll be constantly one with her night, dusk and day
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
I have been missing the rapture this whole time,
Of being forever incomplete
Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous
And torturous
…but never complete
In one way or another every mystic says the same thing: you will never arrive. There is no “there” there. You will forever be reaching, striving, riding the creative cosmic edge. Or maybe Winston Churchill said it best: “Life is just one damn thing after another.” You can grope for the next thing, you can aim your arrow at it, magnetize it to you with sheer will, but once you nail it, they’ll be the next Next Thing.
For an over-achiever, this is a tough concept to wrap my ambitions around. I’m not going to ARRIVE?! I won’t reach the mountain top of enlightenment, or wealth, or totally evolved coolness and just be able to chill…grinning from ear to ear at how hard I worked to get there?
The answer, which I know is true on a cellular level, is no. The work is never done. My life will ALWAYS have a mess-factor and loose ends and things undone and unsaid. Things to tear down. Things that break, notions that fail miserably. Always uncomfortable relationships, stuff to file and take to the Goodwill. There will always be a new goal, a new idea, a repeating lesson, another mountain of desire to climb.
I will never be satisfied. Knowing this, or more accurately, accepting this, gives me deeply suh-weet satisfaction.
I’m finally feeling some…peace. It’s giddy, it’s kind, it has a lot of room to move around in. Maybe this is what the crest of 40 brings. Maybe this is what Ambitious People figure out when they examine their ambitions – compassionately.
Launching our Style Statement book was a whopper of a mountain to climb. It expanded our world into more divine to-do’s. And then we raised almost a half a million dollars for our digital goals. And those goals shift sometimes before they’re met. My man and I are more sincere and strong than ever after ten years, but it’s just the beginning of what we’re capable of.
There’s more more more. Mess mess mess. DESIRES TO FULFILL. The work is never done and thinking that I could check off “prosperity” and “satisfaction” on my Life To Do List was silly. I missed out on some moments that could have been eaten whole and fueled the fire in my belly. I missed the rapture I was working so hard to find beneath those gorgeous loose ends.
Never, ever, complete. Sweet.
…….
[BTW: Alanis Morisette's new CD is her best ever. Conscious. Whole-hearted. Full of flavour.]
July 12th, 2008 at 9:05 am
[...] Danielle’s blog today: You Will Never Get Where You Are Going addthis_pub = ‘YOUR-ACCOUNT-ID’; addthis_logo = [...]
July 12th, 2008 at 9:13 am
What a beautiful post. That you for sharing those lyrics and insights…I definitely will take another look at Alanis. Your words and hers are close to my heart right now and speak to the life choices I struggle with. I am approaching 40 as well…I feel blessed to be doing this life work now and pray for a sense of peace in my soul as I find my way. P.S. I adore the artwork by Harper that hangs in the studio, I am drawn to it every week. Preserve it, those are special. kerry http://www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
July 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Thank you for this. My “to do list” seems somehow managable.
July 12th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
HI Danielle,
What a great post. What I wonder about is - why we do we keep seeking the final finish - the top of the mountain, the finished to do list? What is that consciousness embedded in? Hmmm…. I think that if we let go of the linearity and concepts of time and space as being the only vehicles of measurement then we would encounter the cyclical nature of things and our own multi-dimensionality. Then perhaps we would not feel the anxiety we feel when we do not set goals for ourselves or have messes or bosses who do not see eye to eye with us…. we can be bigger than the mountain,no?
July 14th, 2008 at 6:16 am
I struggle with this constantly, and I have to make a daily conscious effort to live where I am. Thank you for bringing it back to the forefront for me. It’s always helpful to be reminded.
P.S. The acoustic version of the Jagged Little Pill album was surprisingly wonderous. When I listen to the original album and then follow up with the acoustic album, it feels like the aural history of my life…same me, same message, completely different delivery.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
our remedy for the to-do list, is to start with a “to-feel” list. How do you want to FEEL in every area of your life? Staying anchored to that sometimes helps you say no to stuff before it gets on your to-do list.
xo
D
July 14th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
well if there is no spoon…there is no mountain, baby.
xo
July 14th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I feel the same way about Morissette’s material - very autobiographical for me. And like her, I’m not so angry anymore. And I’m grateful for my 20-somethings rage - I plowed through a lot of experiences (and, uh…men.)
This reminds me, I need to do a post about which rock stars sort of personify you. Like, I’m one part Alanis Morissette, one part Peter Gabriel, with a bit of Dolly Parton thrown in for the trashy-strategic-glam.
And you?
xo
D
July 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Thanks! I love it!
July 15th, 2008 at 4:51 am
So true. If we never come to the end of the road, let’s be sure to enjoy the journey!
July 15th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Oooh! What a great idea…! Makes me think of all the other lists I could come up with - how about a “to-be” list? Today I want to be:
1. Me
2. Calm and peaceful
3. Effective
July 15th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Hmmm…one part Patty Smith, one part Debbie Harry, one part Robert and Peter of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (check them out), and perhaps the tiniest sprinkling of Tiffany. Hey, just being honest here. :o)
July 15th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Siiigh. Beautiful.