You don’t have to fold over those pages of your “romance” novel anymore.
Oh, and you also don’t have to cringe and pretend you didn’t just read that part about Rick’s hairy chest (if chest hair is not your thing). Nor do you have to skim your eyes across words like “manhood” and “tender mound” and ignore them.
Partly because, there really is some great erotic fiction out there. Don’t be shy.
Primarily because, you can write your own.
The Secret Shopper: Your Sexual Cocktail
Yes, you can find great erotic fiction out there and thanks to the internet, you don’t have to walk into the sex shop of your small town to get your hands on it. I certainly encourage anyone to explore the deliciously crafted stories that many talented writers put out into the world for you to enjoy.
As any good Dominatrix will tell you, safety words in sex play are essential. When the dominant player is going too far over the pleasure-pain line, the willing submissive has a safety word that will halt the show with no questions asked. “No, stop…no…don’t stop…” is part of the game. But when someone says, “Lemon Bundt Cake” or “Red Light,” it’s time to put the whip down and unlock the cuffs.
Hard kink ain’t my thang, but I think safety words are good for most every occasion.
Find Your Safety Words:
Your unspoken safety word: it’s good to have one or two safety words that you speak only to yourself. A word that’s going to remind you when to walk away, or when to take a deep breath, or when to shout “Step away from my personal and psychic space this very instant.” The word should remind you of your abiding human right to be safe and happy. Mine is “respect.” It’s very basic and very literal. If I’m not feeling respected I say the word to myself and it alerts me to the best next action: take a breather, hold my ground, make a request.
He smells good. This scruffy boy-man sitting at our kitchen table. He dares to tell me he smells good.
It must be like the moment when a father sees his guileless pubescent daughter sport a bikini for the first time and he realizes, “Oh my God, when did she sprout breasts? She didn’t have them last week…” That mix of wonder and sudden self recrimination for noticing how perfectly buoyant she is.
I won’t say I have always felt “motherly” towards our guest, our age difference is probably only ten years. Perhaps “big sisterly”. But now he’s wafting the possibility of male scent under my nose. Now he’s forcing me to think of him sensually…suddenly I see the vein that happens to be running down his rather nicely defined bicep and notice how blue his eyes are—almost purple, how he’s rubbing his finger against the corner of the table…damn him.
We asked you to share your thoughts on what helps and/or hinders your sex life. Busy schedules, health issues, kids and even pets piled up in the “hinder” category, but the “help” category was also loaded with thoughtful musings on what gets you in the mood for love.
What we wear/don’t wear “reveals” a lot…
“Going barefoot and having my skin breathe by not wearing constricting clothing. So, wearing as little as possible whenever possible (around the house).” - Chantal
* formerly published as Carrie & Danielle’s Friday Focus (we’re transferring our old weekly newsletter content into our new blog. More coming almost daily!)
It’s always a good time to be yourself. And it’s never too late. Possibility exists all of the time, everywhere. You haven’t missed your moment to be your most beautiful.
- C&D’s Manifesto of Style
The old saying, “if you’ve lost something set it free, if it comes back to you, it was yours, if it doesn’t, it never really was”, can be applied to the lost parts of our personal humanity. Even if we have continuously repressed or neglected the truest aspects of our being, that energy can come back into our lives with only the slightest invitation. Because, that which is true rests easy and hopeful – like flowers rest in winter, knowing that spring always comes. So don’t fret. Your mojo and moxy are always within reach.
THIS WEEK: ponder a part of yourself that you’d like to revive…The part of you that was playful – no matter who you were with; the part of you that used to plant a big kiss on your partner when they came home; the part of you that believed the world was waiting for you with great anticipation. Put a name to that part: free, sexy, audacious…and make that your word for the week (if you have a Style Statement, perhaps it’s one of your two words.) You don’t need a ‘revival plan’ or an action list - just one word, invited back with all your heart.
