The trick about being an effectively destructive mother-in-law is to phrase things in a way that seem entirely reasonable. Make it sound as though you’re trying to be helpful and actually really care for your daughter-in-law’s well being.
Start by commenting on the cooking…
When your daughter-in-law puts in an annoyingly huge effort to cook a lavish meal for you and starts fishing for compliments, be sure to remind her that “normal people” eat earlier in the day and gently suggest this could help her keep her weight down. If this doesn’t squelch her attempts to impress you with her culinary skills, be sure to mention several times how rich the food is, and though delicious, the amount of fat is going to give you a heart attack. Say this particularly if she’s a better cook than you are.
Be sure not to complain outright that the food is too spicy. Simply grab at your throat, drink a great deal of water, see if you can work up an excellent flushed complexion. (Holding your breath while fanning your face works well.) Best not to comment on the distinctly ethnic recipe, counter with a complaint of heartburn instead. When she makes a plain light meal next, ask to pass the salt at least three times, then the pepper, then request butter, lemon, ketchup, soy sauce, hot mustard or anything that will “jazz it up.” Chuckle compassionately and whisper, “I remember when I was just starting out in the kitchen too!” Then end the meal with a reference to your best dish and how much your son loves it. Offer to give her the recipe.
Lucia’s beautiful article about explaining death to children brought up some great dialogue about when to talk about serious issues with children. In response to one comment that “our kids just work with the info to the level they’re ready, then let it surface again later with a different depth,” the author wrote back, “I think you’re so right.” This confirms to me its never a waste to start talking about these things young.
“Why can’t it always be this good?” Ever asked yourself this at the end of a summer vacation, or a great meal, or a particularly yummy sex romp? Well, it can be!
It can’t always be the same. Most of us can’t live our whole lives on a beach or in bed with that dream partner, but let’s face it, we’d probably get bored anyway. It’s not that particular activity that we’re wishing could continue ad infinitum, but that feeling.
So, here’s a simplistic four-step program to keep life rich, and my own family’s experience as an example:
We wait a whole week to return to the magic forest, my daughter and I. She is eager to see how her dinosaur is doing. We left him in a tree trunk, munching on ferns, beside other whimsical figurines left by others. She talks about him the entire way there.
We almost race to where the path turns off. Oh, there’s the eagle, there’s the stone eggs, there’s the mouse, but…no dinosaur. Wait a minute…is it the wrong tree? Maybe he got knocked over? We hunt around for him for about half an hour because she is tearfully concerned for his welfare despite my assurances that he’s probably off playing hide and seek with the gnomes. While hunting we also notice the blue cat is gone, so is the red owl and at least one elf…
It is 5 p.m. After a long day of work we know it is time to go home. The temptation of one more mail, and just finishing up that one final project is strong, and too often the “few extra minutes” lead to 15, then 30, then 60 and before we know it we’re late for dinner. We walk in the door, eat quickly and launch into the bedtime routine with the kids. Another day has passed.
A habit is, by definition, an “acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.” As a habit, it does not require reflection or conscious decision making, but rather emerges as an ingrained behavior.
The term “a nasty habit” referring to everything from smoking to watching late night television, suggests that a habit may not always be one that is healthy for our body or spirit.
A New Direction
The wooden horn sounds for the first time at OUR Ecovillage, where our family is living for a month. The horn is handmade of wood, with soft curves and a weight that makes it oh so satisfying to lift up and blow. Each member of the community has a unique style of blowing the horn - from the short toot to an echoing two-toned blow that must travel for miles. It is blown once to awaken us (from our beds and our work), and twice to summon us to the table, where Jan, our wondrous cook has prepared yet another extraordinary meal from the ingredients found in our garden. This time, it is telling us that dinner is almost ready.
The trick about being an effectively destructive mother-in-law is to phrase things in a way that seem entirely reasonable. Make it sound as though you’re trying to be helpful and actually really care for your daughter-in-law’s well being. 
We wait a whole week to return to the magic forest, my daughter and I. She is eager to see how her dinosaur is doing. We left him in a tree trunk, munching on ferns, beside other whimsical figurines left by others. She talks about him the entire way there.
It is 5 p.m. After a long day of work we know it is time to go home. The temptation of one more mail, and just finishing up that one final project is strong, and too often the “few extra minutes” lead to 15, then 30, then 60 and before we know it we’re late for dinner. We walk in the door, eat quickly and launch into the bedtime routine with the kids. Another day has passed.
